Hi Jenny! Just a quick note: you need to add the Comment Wall label to this post so that it will show up in your navigation and people will be able to find it easily. :-)
Hi Jennifer, I just looked at your storybook website!
I love this idea for a storybook. I think that the theme you chose was great and even a little unique. A lot of the Greek ones that I have looked at have the dark red background that seems to be associated with the myths, which I find odd. Regardless, I really like your choice. It is soothing to the eyes and really easy to read!
At the start of your third paragraph, it is a little choppy. You have a bunch of short sentences strung together than make it kind of weird to read. I would either add more details to those sentences or string a couple of the thoughts together into one complex sentence. There are also some commas missing throughout the introduction that would really help it flow better!
I love the pictures that you chose. They are very pretty and definitely let me picture the woman who is telling us the stories. It’s always nice to be given something to visualize while you read a story. For me at least, it lets the story come alive.
Hello Jenny, Your cover page photo is perfect. This photo has me asking so many questions already and I like that your coverage is not cluttered with a lot of background "noise." I would recommend in your first sentence that instead of using the phrase " a place like this" you should be specific and say "the Underworld." I would recommend a little bit of revision in your third paragraph. You could possibly merge your first sentence and the second to read as "Everything was perfect, for a time. However,..." and you could give us more description about the forest, the nymphs, and even who Persephone's father is.
When reading the paragraph in which Hades leaves to visit her father, but how does Hades know about her? Did he fly over here and was stricken by her beauty or is it just common knowledge that Persephone was a beautiful woman? The only other thing I would ask is how your photo relates to the story. It seems to be Persephone, but I am not sure who the man on the horse is. Just a little food for thought, but your storybook is fantastic. :)
Hey Jenny! The title of your storybook immediately drew me in. I don't know why I was surprised to find out it was about Persephone, but I was. The picture you have on the main page of your website is amazing and definitely gives a great visual for your main character. I knew that Persephone was Hades wife, but I didn't know where she came from, so her back story was very helpful. The only thing I wondered about was why Hades was so sure they'd make a great match? I'd also be interested to see what she thinks of Hades, not just the other people in Elysium. I'm interested to see the cast of characters that you introduce through your stories. I think maybe alluding to them in the introduction would be helping to drawing readers in and making them stay on your site. I liked the way you ended your introduction on a cliffhanger. You've done a great job and I look forward to seeing how your storybook progresses!
Hi Jennifer. First off, I would like to say that you chose a beautiful picture for the first page of your storybook. As soon as I saw the title and the picture, I had a feeling that it would be about Persephone and I was right!
The site design for the story works well, especially the grey background and lighter grey/white text. However, I feel as if the background for the title doesn't contribute much to the story since it looks like.. a desert, I think? Otherwise, I think the font and everything look great since it's quite easy on the eyes!
The introduction was really nice as well! I love that you kept it kind of conversational between the reader and Persephone, it makes her situation more relatable and the reader gets to know her personality on a more personal level. I am excited to read your first story soon!
Hey Jennifer. My first reaction when seeing your page was it is very subtle. I like subtle because it makes it easier for me to focus on what I am reading. The colors and the font help keep my focused on what I am reading. All of the pictures caught my attention, and they were beautiful. Your introduction was a good one because it wasn't to long but it told me everything I needed to know about what your stories were going to be about. I like the idea of a girl who has never been out to experience the world. There are so many things that can be done with that. It might not be the same since she is going to be living in the underworld, but that’s what makes it even better. I think this is going to be a good storybook. I look forward to reading your stories within it!
Hi Jennifer! I like how colorful and simplistic your storybook layout is. It makes your story seem so lively in contrast to the main character being the new Queen of the Underworld. I also like how you went with a short title. It helps grab your attention, give you an idea of what it will be about, but it is also not too revealing. I am hoping to see later on an explanation as to why Persephone was not allowed to go outdoors too much as a child. I am glad you had it be a conversational tone and chose to end the introduction with a cliffhanger. Overall, great job! I can't wait to see where you take it!
This story was very interesting and I really enjoyed the god and the crazy love mess that goes on within this story. I thought the dialogue was great to hear the interactions between the characters in the story and the transitions were great, too because they smoothly lead from one idea and even to another.
The only thing I might have changed if I were to write the story would be the names of the characters. Sometimes the old-fashion and traditional names are hard to relate to, but in other cases they are very necessary to keep, such as you using the name of Venus and Cupid.
Overall, I your picture did a wonderful job about showing the fight for love with the human. The colors and appearance of your blog were easy to read and went with your storybook theme. Great job and I can’t wait to read the other things you write for your portfolio this semester!
To start off, I think you're cover page of your storybook is very nice. I love the picture and the fact the pretty, soft browns go well with the colors of the title bar. I think the gray background was a good neutral choice. You also wrote the introduction well and I love how it ends with someone knocking on the door. It gives a little mystery as the reader is wondering who it is and how it will affect the story line. I really like the sentence where Persephone says her mother ended up taking away what she originally gave her which was a life. That adds more emotion and helps the reader to understand what Persephone is going through and why she made the decisions that she did.
Some things that I noticed were that in the third paragraph, the "For a while..." sentence kind of confused me. The shift seemed a little off. Also in the fourth paragraph, third sentence, I think that the last comma may not be needed.
Besides that I think you did great and I look forward to reading more!
Your Storybook has beautiful images! They fit it perfectly, and set the tone for the myths of Persephone. I liked your telling of her story in your introduction. The way it was written made it feel more modern. It felt like I was reading a modern novel, maybe even a Young Adult novel about Persephone. (I don't know if she was a teenager or not, if not then an adult novel!)
I enjoyed reading Persephone's point of view in your first story. I had read Cupid and Psyche, so I already knew Psyche's point of view. However, I think someone that hadn't read it would still know what's going on.
Everything looks good to me. No typos glaring at me, and the structure is done well.
The only thing I would say maybe is to put more of your spin on these myths. It's okay to deviate from them, and then explain the first myth in your author's note. Maybe a future story can be your own story about Persephone!
You have a great character--I feel like you have a great grasp on how Persephone's point of view goes--so now you can make stories for her! You could even do one with her relationship with Hades. Maybe portray him as a younger attractive guy and you have a romance option! Just some ideas!
Hi Jennifer, Let me start out by saying that you chose a beautiful picture to be at the start of your project. It also goes well with the muted tone of the layout. The way you portrayed Persephone initially reminded me a little of Rapunzel. I really liked the way you played the story off. Persephone doesn’t necessarily sound like a prisoner. Rather, she sounds like some who is ready for an adventure. The introduction seems a little fast-paced, but I don’t think that that is necessarily a bad thing. I wasn’t really sure what to make of Hades, but I found it really interesting that Persephone was thankful for him. I guess most of the portrayals that I have seen or hear are usually more negative, so I’m really excited to read your version of the story! It is so neat that you are using artwork from DeviantArt. The art is so interesting and fresh. Plus, it is not overused like some of the artwork you can find through Google alone.
Hey Jennifer! What a beautiful picture you chose for your homepage and introduction. The photo of Persephone reaching out to the sky seems so poetic! Is she reaching to her mother? I like the way you portrayed Persephone as an imprisoned princess, just like in Tangled. I understand that mothers want to guard their children from the evils of the world, but little do they know it does more damage than good. I like the twist that you put on Persephone's perspective of the underworld. Any other person may have dreaded being Hades' wife but she clearly loves him! Maybe it's because she was stuck with her mother for so long. It's about time that she had some company even though it's a bunch of dead people. I appreciate the format of your introduction. You were concise and went straight to the point. I knew exactly what the theme of your storybook will be instead of just guessing. I'll be back to read more!
When reading your story I immediately put the two stories together. You did a good job showing what Psyche was there for and explaining in your author's note how the two compare. I liked the flow of the story, because it was really easy to read. When I read it I felt like I was reading it as the queen was talking to me herself about what was happening. I like how you said she was bored, but then someone showed up to talk to her specifically. I am sure she was not used to that happening so it made her feel useful. Queens in most stories are just on the sidelines of their husband. This was the random storybook I chose to read because I remember reading the introduction and wanted to read more. In the weeks to come I will continue to read more and find out what else goes on in the queens life.
Hey Jennifer, I'm back again! I was excited to see how your storybook was progressing and I was not disappointed! I think this story was a perfect addition to your book. It gave quite a bit of insight into how the Underworld operates, which I found very interesting. I especially liked how Psyche was able to distract Cerberus.
I would say, "Today isn't so boring after all." If it's her thought then it should be in the present tense. I loved the line, "she had the looks that could tempt even a happily married husband." I would take out the word "the" before looks to make it flow better. In this sentence in the last paragraph I made suggesting with [brackets}. " I watched her exit my palace and realized she [was] the only woman to leave [here?] alive by her own accord."
I enjoyed this story I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook!
I have read stories in your storybook before and I always enjoy reading your writings. I love the overall appearance of your storybook. The colors of the font stand out off the dark grey background and I like the sand border at the top of the storybook to portray the underworld.
Your story was great and very well written! I enjoyed reading it the whole time and the transitions were great. I have read the original story but I liked how you included more character development in this story. The picture was intriguing but I would have maybe picked a picked a picture portraying Psyche talking in the underworld or a picture of her and cupid. This story was funny and I could see how it could have many twists and turns to keep the story interesting. This was a great story and I am looking forwards to reading more stories in your storybook in the future.
Hey, I came back to read your next story! Your Storybook is really well written and so enjoyable to read! I am also really liking reading about Persephone.
I loved seeing Orpheus' story from a different point of view.
I also think it was a good idea to make the ending more tragic after the last one was more happy.
You really have captured Persephone's personality and emotions so well!
The only thing I have to suggest is trimming down dialogue. Some of the dialogue was quite long, and as a reader was a lot to read.
You can also seperate dialogue with action like:
"blah bla blah." I paced the room. "blah blha blah."
Or instead of action you can put emotions or things. Just like it's good to vary paragraph and sentence length, is it good to vary dialogue as well.
OH and one last thing, I liked how you put some of her thoughts in italics!
Anyways, great job. I look forward to reading your future stories!
I am just going to start off with: your spongebob meme made me laugh!
I have not read any of the stories from your storybook, but I must say I was quite excited just based on the name of your storybook alone! I've always been interested by Hades and Persephone. It made me a bit excited that someone decided to write about them.
You introduction and your stories are really well done. You've done a good job capturing emotions really well. I couldn't stop reading. It helps that you put thoughts in italics. I love reading what a character is thinking. It's so insightful and helps the reader connect with the character.
You're doing an amazing job with your storybook. You pictures are well matched to your stories. I look forward to where you go next with the stories.
I read your story ‘Orpheus’s Descending’ and I thought it was really entertaining! The imagery you set up in the story and the adjectives you added throughout really drew the picture of the story in my head and I could visualize exactly what was going on. The color scheme of your storybook is appealing and easy to read, too. I always love more pictures to go along with the story, though. The way that you referenced your other stories in your storybook makes the reader want to go back and read the other stories, as well. The spacing and paragraph set up of the story makes it easy to read and follow. Sometimes changing the names of the characters to make the story more relatable can make it even easier to read and follow. Adding the tragedy to the mix really through me for a loop but with every good story, there has to be a twist and add some drama to keep the attention of the reading. Great job switching up the tone and the mood of the story by adding the not-so-happy endings.
I decided to read your story as my extra credit this week. First of all, I never imagined the Queen of the underworld to be so beautiful. I liked how you juxtaposed her lifestyles before and after meeting Hades. Her mother kept her too shelter, but gave her the caring personality she has. Hades and the underworld gave her a social life, but that caring personality always made her miss her family. I didn’t see any errors in the introduction! Now on to the first story… Now, granted, I know nothing about mythology and I’m not taking the myth class, but I didn’t realize that Hades was the one who decided were everyone ended up. I really enjoyed reading this first story. Even though you write it as more of a narrative from the Queen, the reader can still feel a lot of emotion coming from the characters. I have to say you are doing a great job so far!
I was unaware that Psyche was the only human to make it out of the Underworld alive. That is so interesting! I can see why you would want to write about her. I I enjoyed how you took this somewhat minor tale and embellished it by adding more detail and information. It was nice to get inside the mind of the Queen Persephone. I have always felt bad for her, and would assume that her trials in life would have made her hard. But the way you portrayed her was not that way. I did not think that she would have given Psyche the jar, but she sympathized with her and gave in. You did a great job writing this story. Your dialogue was good. And your details created a wonderful image for your audience to follow. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read more!
Hi Jenny, Nicole A. left this comment at another person's blog, but it looks like it is for you and Persephone! ============ I really enjoyed the way you provided Persephone’s thoughts. It is a nice way to give commentary that definitely adds to the story. I found it interesting that you portrayed her as lonely and bored, but not necessarily as unhappy. You pose the question, “why would anyone come here?” Seeing that made me really makes me wonder how they got there as well. It seems like something interesting to explore. It caught my attention that you used a different spelling. I’ve never seen the ferryman’s name as “Kharon.” I found it really interesting that Persephone couldn’t help Psyche get past Cerberus. It made me wonder why. There aren’t very many mistakes, but there a few things I would go back and edit a little bit. Overall, I really wanted to read more. I wanted to know a little bit more. You did a good job of catching your reader and making them want more.
Hi again Jenny, I couldn't wait to get a second look at your storybook and so I was really excited to come back and see what else you had done with your story. And it was as good as I remembered it to be. The first time I visited your storybook I was enthralled by the pictures and how well they fit the ethereal nature of your storybook's characters and their story. Your writing also really does a great job in bringing the reader into mind of Persephone, her struggles and her opinions, and her entire life as Queen of the Underworld. In your first story, I really liked how you put Psyche into your story, and especially because I didn’t realize that she had been the only human woman to enter the Underworld, and its so cool that you were able to put that into the story. Great job! Can’t wait to read the rest!
Hi Jenny! I had to come and check out your storybook. What grabbed my attention was the title, Queen of the Underworld. I love the Greek myths. The introduction was great! The images you have chosen for your storybook are so pretty and lends so much to the feel of the stories. In the intro I like how you talked about how Persephone felt growing up isolated with her mom. I did not know that Hades asked her father for the deal. Very neat touch. I like the flow of your story. Psyche and Cupid and the jar of beauty work really well with what you have put together. I really like what you have done overall. It was fun to read and explore your storybook. When Orpheus comes to collect his wife it really adds more fun to the story. It starts to feel like a television series. I can't wait to check back in next week to see what happens next kind of fun.
Hey, Jenny! Great storybook! The title itself compelled me to read on, which is the first thing that everyone sees, so great job on that. Greek myths are fun to read. During my senior year of high school we read a lot of them, so it was nice to revisit them through your storybook. One of my favorite parts of your storybook is the pictures you chose to depict the stories and the images you already create in the reader's head. The first picture on the first page is my favorite - it really pulls the reader into what you're about to tell them. I also like your placement of the picture in your latest story. Having it at the end allows your words to make the image and then the picture at the end is almost exactly what I saw when I read through your story and was a great addition. Overall, wonderful job and I can't wait to come back when you're completely finished at the end of the semester!
Hey Jennifer, I'm back to read another one of your stories! I enjoyed the story of Orpheus as much as I did the first one. My favorite part was when Orpheus plays the song about his lost love. I think it's a good thing that you're creating a balance of happy and tragic within your storybook. I only have two suggestions for revision, which you can take with a grain of salt. I think that it would make the story come more alive if you describe Orpheus' songs in more detail. Maybe something about the notes or describing his hands while playing the instrument. It would really allow readers to feel the same emotion that the characters of the story are feeling. Also, in the second paragraph it should be "but also." Whenever you use the term not only, it has to be followed by but also. Good job, I'll be staying tuned for the rest of your stories!
Hi Jennifer! I am glad that I returned to your storybook, because then I was able to finish it in its entirety! I would like to commend you for doing such a great job with it! Your passion shows with each word that you write. What I liked about your storybook was that to make your tales more realistic, they could not all have happy endings. Although tragic, you did not realize it to be tragic till the end of the tale. Also, I like how caring and compassionate you wrote out Hades to be. I always pictured him like the Disney rendition of him in Hercules. But you did a great job with making this your own, and I am glad that I had the opportunity to read it! :)
This is the first time that I have looked at your project and I am glad that I decided on your title! I read your introduction and I also noticed that you have a few stories up as well! That is great, I think it is the most that I have seen on a storybook thus far. First I would like to say that I really like your layout and I absolutely love the image that you used for your introduction. I think that it fits perfectly as the woman is very beautiful and it looks like she is looking into the world of question and mystery. I read your introduction and I think it was great and the mood was perfect. I love greek stories and that is why I really enjoyed what you did. Your description of the events that led to Persephone living in the underworld was great and I think it was a neat touch to show that Hades was a gentleman when he asked the father for permission in marriage. Anyway, nice project! I look forward to returning.
Hi Jennifer, This is the first time I have looked at you story book and I am very pleased that I did. I find Persephone is really interesting. I love the cover photo. I also really enjoyed reading your introduction. I actually read Cupid and Psyche and I am glad you elaborated on Psyche’s trip to the underworld. It is interesting that you included that she was the only woman to ever escape the underworld unscathed. She already had a really big enemy in Venus and am glad Persephone took pity on her. I thought it was really interesting that you incorporated love with something usually dark and scary as the underworld. I liked that your last story broke the mold of doing things for lust instead of love but ties back to love in the end. Hades us usually depicted as an awful man so it is interesting to see that you have given him some humanity in the form of love with his wife Persephone. Good job.
Hi, Jennifer! I just want to start by saying that I love the image you chose for your coverpage! It seems to perfectly capture how I would image Persephone looking and feeling about her captivity in the underworld. I loved the title for all of your stories, as well. I read your introduction, and I thought it was cool that you used italics to set up the story. I must say, Persephone’s feelings about her life in the underworld are not at all what I expected! That being said, your narration made them believable and rich. My favorite line was definitely “even when living in the land of the dead I have never felt so alive.” It seemed to perfectly sum up how she felt about her new life. I think your final line (also in italics—very nice) did a great job of introducing the story. Very nicely done!! I can’t wait to read more. Also: love the spongebob picture.
You did a great job with this Storybook so far. Your title really drew me in. I liked the intro story. It really set the mood for the other stories and the picture really helps too. You did a great job with your descriptive words. The background was nice too; it wasn’t distracting when I was reading. Putting the story in first person really told a detailed story. I felt like I was there especially with the picture at the bottom.
I didn’t see grammatical errors or confusing parts while reading so you did a good job at editing. I look forward to reading the rest of your stories and I hope these comments help you write better ones for your storybook.
Hello! I am actually in the Indian Epics class, but since this week we are given the opportunity to comment on other works, I decided to read through your storybook. It was really interesting to see how the different classes have their own styles of writing, based on what we have all been reading and I definitely enjoyed reading through your storybook. The tale of Persephone is one of my favorites from Greek mythology, which is why I decided to read through your storybook this week. I really like how you told the story from Persephone’s perspective, as if she was relaying the events in a diary or to a friend. However, sometimes the transitions were a little bit difficult to follow. For example, when you end with a knocking on the door in the introduction, but don’t immediately pick up from that point at the beginning of the next story, it feels a little awkward. Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading your story book. I especially like the art that you included. Good luck with the remainder of the semester and finals!
Hi Jenny. I decided to read your storybook as a part of the favorites post. I can't believe this is the first time I've read one of your stories. They are really wonderful and well written. I just had to read the whole storybook. I like how you tied all the stories together by using Persephone's point of view. I also like how her perspective made all of Hell less frightening and somehow wonderful. Charon became a friendly ferryman and Cerebus just a guard dog. There was nothing of the River of Souls and eternal sadness, instead she talked about the Elysian fields.
I really enjoyed your second story, Orpheus Descending. By adding the information about Hade's demanding secrecy, you really pulled the parts of the story together. Hade's motivations were the missing piece of the puzzle.
You did a really great job and you are an awesome writer. Keep up the good work!
Hey Jennifer! I'm glad that I got to check back in on your storybook! I definitely picked it as one of the top stories for our class. This was my favorite story so far. I really liked the artwork you choose to go with the story. It gave an excellent mental image, especially for the ending of the story. The format of you story was very easy to read. I especially liked Persephone's inner dialogue. I thought it was interesting that Hades wanted her to witness the whole thing. It was just one more time that he proved himself to be a great person/god. All I knew about Hades before I read your storybook was what I had seen in Disney's Hercules. Now I have a completely different opinion of him. Overall, I think you did a great job not only on this story, but also on the whole storybook! Congrats!
I really like the subject you chose for your storybook. The layout of your page is lush with the color compositions juxtaposed with the beautiful pictures you chose to represent the stories. Your storybook was easy to navigate. I never felt confused when going from one story to another. The writing for your storybook was great! I really loved how you wove the different stories together. Having Persephone as the protagonist in each story made the overlap of each story very smooth. It reminded me how she was essential in solving a lot of the conflicts that arose in these myths. I’m glad you included Pirithous, “The Chair of Forgetfulness.” I have not read that particular myth before reading your storybook. I didn’t know two humans had the gall to try and kidnap the God of the Underworld’s Queen. You did so well on your writing of the myth that it makes me want to go out and read it for my own account.
Hi Jennifer! Your topic for your storybook is a very interesting choice. The perspective and events of Persephone as she was in the Underworld was really cool to read about. In fact, it was so cool that I read through your entire storybook in this past hour.
I loved how you had the king of the Underworld, Hades, be this really awesome and manly god who was a great husband and savior to Persephone. In your last story, Hades really showed how much he loved his wife and how much she appreciates having him as her husband.
The style of your storybook is great. Changing from italicized fonts to regular fonts really made the stories easier to read. Each picture you used for your stories helped enhance the reading experience. I especially liked the photo you chose for the last story. That photo showed what would be known as “love at first sight” and the split from Hades and Persephone is amazing.
Hey Jenny, I really enjoyed your storybook theme and your stories. They were really well written and the visual language that you used really made me envision the stories as I was reading them. I also like the way that you portrayed Persephone and Hades, I feel like usually stories portray her as hating the underworld and Hades and that they really aren’t happy but I feel like in your stories it seems that she is happy and that Hades and her have a good marriage, which is definitely something new. I really like the layout and overall color scheme of your storybook too, it is all very visually pleasing. Good job!
Hi Jenny! Just a quick note: you need to add the Comment Wall label to this post so that it will show up in your navigation and people will be able to find it easily. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I just looked at your new website: it looks wonderful!!! I'll send you a proper email tomorrow about the site. Lovely!
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer, I just looked at your storybook website!
ReplyDeleteI love this idea for a storybook. I think that the theme you chose was great and even a little unique. A lot of the Greek ones that I have looked at have the dark red background that seems to be associated with the myths, which I find odd. Regardless, I really like your choice. It is soothing to the eyes and really easy to read!
At the start of your third paragraph, it is a little choppy. You have a bunch of short sentences strung together than make it kind of weird to read. I would either add more details to those sentences or string a couple of the thoughts together into one complex sentence. There are also some commas missing throughout the introduction that would really help it flow better!
I love the pictures that you chose. They are very pretty and definitely let me picture the woman who is telling us the stories. It’s always nice to be given something to visualize while you read a story. For me at least, it lets the story come alive.
Hello Jenny,
ReplyDeleteYour cover page photo is perfect. This photo has me asking so many questions already and I like that your coverage is not cluttered with a lot of background "noise." I would recommend in your first sentence that instead of using the phrase " a place like this" you should be specific and say "the Underworld." I would recommend a little bit of revision in your third paragraph. You could possibly merge your first sentence and the second to read as "Everything was perfect, for a time. However,..." and you could give us more description about the forest, the nymphs, and even who Persephone's father is.
When reading the paragraph in which Hades leaves to visit her father, but how does Hades know about her? Did he fly over here and was stricken by her beauty or is it just common knowledge that Persephone was a beautiful woman? The only other thing I would ask is how your photo relates to the story. It seems to be Persephone, but I am not sure who the man on the horse is. Just a little food for thought, but your storybook is fantastic. :)
Hey Jenny! The title of your storybook immediately drew me in. I don't know why I was surprised to find out it was about Persephone, but I was. The picture you have on the main page of your website is amazing and definitely gives a great visual for your main character. I knew that Persephone was Hades wife, but I didn't know where she came from, so her back story was very helpful. The only thing I wondered about was why Hades was so sure they'd make a great match? I'd also be interested to see what she thinks of Hades, not just the other people in Elysium. I'm interested to see the cast of characters that you introduce through your stories. I think maybe alluding to them in the introduction would be helping to drawing readers in and making them stay on your site. I liked the way you ended your introduction on a cliffhanger. You've done a great job and I look forward to seeing how your storybook progresses!
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer. First off, I would like to say that you chose a beautiful picture for the first page of your storybook. As soon as I saw the title and the picture, I had a feeling that it would be about Persephone and I was right!
ReplyDeleteThe site design for the story works well, especially the grey background and lighter grey/white text. However, I feel as if the background for the title doesn't contribute much to the story since it looks like.. a desert, I think? Otherwise, I think the font and everything look great since it's quite easy on the eyes!
The introduction was really nice as well! I love that you kept it kind of conversational between the reader and Persephone, it makes her situation more relatable and the reader gets to know her personality on a more personal level. I am excited to read your first story soon!
Hey Jennifer. My first reaction when seeing your page was it is very subtle. I like subtle because it makes it easier for me to focus on what I am reading. The colors and the font help keep my focused on what I am reading. All of the pictures caught my attention, and they were beautiful. Your introduction was a good one because it wasn't to long but it told me everything I needed to know about what your stories were going to be about. I like the idea of a girl who has never been out to experience the world. There are so many things that can be done with that. It might not be the same since she is going to be living in the underworld, but that’s what makes it even better. I think this is going to be a good storybook. I look forward to reading your stories within it!
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer! I like how colorful and simplistic your storybook layout is. It makes your story seem so lively in contrast to the main character being the new Queen of the Underworld. I also like how you went with a short title. It helps grab your attention, give you an idea of what it will be about, but it is also not too revealing. I am hoping to see later on an explanation as to why Persephone was not allowed to go outdoors too much as a child. I am glad you had it be a conversational tone and chose to end the introduction with a cliffhanger. Overall, great job! I can't wait to see where you take it!
ReplyDeleteHey Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteThis story was very interesting and I really enjoyed the god and the crazy love mess that goes on within this story. I thought the dialogue was great to hear the interactions between the characters in the story and the transitions were great, too because they smoothly lead from one idea and even to another.
The only thing I might have changed if I were to write the story would be the names of the characters. Sometimes the old-fashion and traditional names are hard to relate to, but in other cases they are very necessary to keep, such as you using the name of Venus and Cupid.
Overall, I your picture did a wonderful job about showing the fight for love with the human. The colors and appearance of your blog were easy to read and went with your storybook theme. Great job and I can’t wait to read the other things you write for your portfolio this semester!
Hi Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteTo start off, I think you're cover page of your storybook is very nice. I love the picture and the fact the pretty, soft browns go well with the colors of the title bar. I think the gray background was a good neutral choice. You also wrote the introduction well and I love how it ends with someone knocking on the door. It gives a little mystery as the reader is wondering who it is and how it will affect the story line. I really like the sentence where Persephone says her mother ended up taking away what she originally gave her which was a life. That adds more emotion and helps the reader to understand what Persephone is going through and why she made the decisions that she did.
Some things that I noticed were that in the third paragraph, the "For a while..." sentence kind of confused me. The shift seemed a little off. Also in the fourth paragraph, third sentence, I think that the last comma may not be needed.
Besides that I think you did great and I look forward to reading more!
Your Storybook has beautiful images! They fit it perfectly, and set the tone for the myths of Persephone. I liked your telling of her story in your introduction. The way it was written made it feel more modern. It felt like I was reading a modern novel, maybe even a Young Adult novel about Persephone. (I don't know if she was a teenager or not, if not then an adult novel!)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading Persephone's point of view in your first story. I had read Cupid and Psyche, so I already knew Psyche's point of view. However, I think someone that hadn't read it would still know what's going on.
Everything looks good to me. No typos glaring at me, and the structure is done well.
The only thing I would say maybe is to put more of your spin on these myths. It's okay to deviate from them, and then explain the first myth in your author's note. Maybe a future story can be your own story about Persephone!
You have a great character--I feel like you have a great grasp on how Persephone's point of view goes--so now you can make stories for her! You could even do one with her relationship with Hades. Maybe portray him as a younger attractive guy and you have a romance option! Just some ideas!
Hi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteLet me start out by saying that you chose a beautiful picture to be at the start of your project. It also goes well with the muted tone of the layout. The way you portrayed Persephone initially reminded me a little of Rapunzel. I really liked the way you played the story off. Persephone doesn’t necessarily sound like a prisoner. Rather, she sounds like some who is ready for an adventure. The introduction seems a little fast-paced, but I don’t think that that is necessarily a bad thing. I wasn’t really sure what to make of Hades, but I found it really interesting that Persephone was thankful for him. I guess most of the portrayals that I have seen or hear are usually more negative, so I’m really excited to read your version of the story! It is so neat that you are using artwork from DeviantArt. The art is so interesting and fresh. Plus, it is not overused like some of the artwork you can find through Google alone.
Hey Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful picture you chose for your homepage and introduction. The photo of Persephone reaching out to the sky seems so poetic! Is she reaching to her mother? I like the way you portrayed Persephone as an imprisoned princess, just like in Tangled. I understand that mothers want to guard their children from the evils of the world, but little do they know it does more damage than good. I like the twist that you put on Persephone's perspective of the underworld. Any other person may have dreaded being Hades' wife but she clearly loves him! Maybe it's because she was stuck with her mother for so long. It's about time that she had some company even though it's a bunch of dead people. I appreciate the format of your introduction. You were concise and went straight to the point. I knew exactly what the theme of your storybook will be instead of just guessing. I'll be back to read more!
When reading your story I immediately put the two stories together. You did a good job showing what Psyche was there for and explaining in your author's note how the two compare. I liked the flow of the story, because it was really easy to read. When I read it I felt like I was reading it as the queen was talking to me herself about what was happening. I like how you said she was bored, but then someone showed up to talk to her specifically. I am sure she was not used to that happening so it made her feel useful. Queens in most stories are just on the sidelines of their husband. This was the random storybook I chose to read because I remember reading the introduction and wanted to read more. In the weeks to come I will continue to read more and find out what else goes on in the queens life.
ReplyDeleteHey Jennifer, I'm back again! I was excited to see how your storybook was progressing and I was not disappointed! I think this story was a perfect addition to your book. It gave quite a bit of insight into how the Underworld operates, which I found very interesting. I especially liked how Psyche was able to distract Cerberus.
ReplyDeleteI would say, "Today isn't so boring after all." If it's her thought then it should be in the present tense. I loved the line, "she had the looks that could tempt even a happily married husband." I would take out the word "the" before looks to make it flow better. In this sentence in the last paragraph I made suggesting with [brackets}. " I watched her exit my palace and realized she [was] the only woman to leave [here?] alive by her own accord."
I enjoyed this story I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook!
Hey Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteI have read stories in your storybook before and I always enjoy reading your writings. I love the overall appearance of your storybook. The colors of the font stand out off the dark grey background and I like the sand border at the top of the storybook to portray the underworld.
Your story was great and very well written! I enjoyed reading it the whole time and the transitions were great. I have read the original story but I liked how you included more character development in this story. The picture was intriguing but I would have maybe picked a picked a picture portraying Psyche talking in the underworld or a picture of her and cupid. This story was funny and I could see how it could have many twists and turns to keep the story interesting. This was a great story and I am looking forwards to reading more stories in your storybook in the future.
Hey, I came back to read your next story! Your Storybook is really well written and so enjoyable to read! I am also really liking reading about Persephone.
ReplyDeleteI loved seeing Orpheus' story from a different point of view.
I also think it was a good idea to make the ending more tragic after the last one was more happy.
You really have captured Persephone's personality and emotions so well!
The only thing I have to suggest is trimming down dialogue. Some of the dialogue was quite long, and as a reader was a lot to read.
You can also seperate dialogue with action like:
"blah bla blah." I paced the room. "blah blha blah."
Or instead of action you can put emotions or things. Just like it's good to vary paragraph and sentence length, is it good to vary dialogue as well.
OH and one last thing, I liked how you put some of her thoughts in italics!
Anyways, great job. I look forward to reading your future stories!
Hi Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteI am just going to start off with: your spongebob meme made me laugh!
I have not read any of the stories from your storybook, but I must say I was quite excited just based on the name of your storybook alone! I've always been interested by Hades and Persephone. It made me a bit excited that someone decided to write about them.
You introduction and your stories are really well done. You've done a good job capturing emotions really well. I couldn't stop reading. It helps that you put thoughts in italics. I love reading what a character is thinking. It's so insightful and helps the reader connect with the character.
You're doing an amazing job with your storybook. You pictures are well matched to your stories. I look forward to where you go next with the stories.
Hey Jenny,
ReplyDeleteI read your story ‘Orpheus’s Descending’ and I thought it was really entertaining! The imagery you set up in the story and the adjectives you added throughout really drew the picture of the story in my head and I could visualize exactly what was going on. The color scheme of your storybook is appealing and easy to read, too. I always love more pictures to go along with the story, though. The way that you referenced your other stories in your storybook makes the reader want to go back and read the other stories, as well. The spacing and paragraph set up of the story makes it easy to read and follow. Sometimes changing the names of the characters to make the story more relatable can make it even easier to read and follow. Adding the tragedy to the mix really through me for a loop but with every good story, there has to be a twist and add some drama to keep the attention of the reading. Great job switching up the tone and the mood of the story by adding the not-so-happy endings.
I decided to read your story as my extra credit this week. First of all, I never imagined the Queen of the underworld to be so beautiful. I liked how you juxtaposed her lifestyles before and after meeting Hades. Her mother kept her too shelter, but gave her the caring personality she has. Hades and the underworld gave her a social life, but that caring personality always made her miss her family. I didn’t see any errors in the introduction!
ReplyDeleteNow on to the first story… Now, granted, I know nothing about mythology and I’m not taking the myth class, but I didn’t realize that Hades was the one who decided were everyone ended up. I really enjoyed reading this first story. Even though you write it as more of a narrative from the Queen, the reader can still feel a lot of emotion coming from the characters. I have to say you are doing a great job so far!
I was unaware that Psyche was the only human to make it out of the Underworld alive. That is so interesting! I can see why you would want to write about her. I I enjoyed how you took this somewhat minor tale and embellished it by adding more detail and information. It was nice to get inside the mind of the Queen Persephone. I have always felt bad for her, and would assume that her trials in life would have made her hard. But the way you portrayed her was not that way. I did not think that she would have given Psyche the jar, but she sympathized with her and gave in. You did a great job writing this story. Your dialogue was good. And your details created a wonderful image for your audience to follow. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny, Nicole A. left this comment at another person's blog, but it looks like it is for you and Persephone!
ReplyDelete============
I really enjoyed the way you provided Persephone’s thoughts. It is a nice way to give commentary that definitely adds to the story. I found it interesting that you portrayed her as lonely and bored, but not necessarily as unhappy. You pose the question, “why would anyone come here?” Seeing that made me really makes me wonder how they got there as well. It seems like something interesting to explore. It caught my attention that you used a different spelling. I’ve never seen the ferryman’s name as “Kharon.” I found it really interesting that Persephone couldn’t help Psyche get past Cerberus. It made me wonder why. There aren’t very many mistakes, but there a few things I would go back and edit a little bit. Overall, I really wanted to read more. I wanted to know a little bit more. You did a good job of catching your reader and making them want more.
Hi again Jenny, I couldn't wait to get a second look at your storybook and so I was really excited to come back and see what else you had done with your story. And it was as good as I remembered it to be. The first time I visited your storybook I was enthralled by the pictures and how well they fit the ethereal nature of your storybook's characters and their story. Your writing also really does a great job in bringing the reader into mind of Persephone, her struggles and her opinions, and her entire life as Queen of the Underworld. In your first story, I really liked how you put Psyche into your story, and especially because I didn’t realize that she had been the only human woman to enter the Underworld, and its so cool that you were able to put that into the story. Great job! Can’t wait to read the rest!
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny!
ReplyDeleteI had to come and check out your storybook. What grabbed my attention was the title, Queen of the Underworld. I love the Greek myths. The introduction was great! The images you have chosen for your storybook are so pretty and lends so much to the feel of the stories. In the intro I like how you talked about how Persephone felt growing up isolated with her mom. I did not know that Hades asked her father for the deal. Very neat touch. I like the flow of your story. Psyche and Cupid and the jar of beauty work really well with what you have put together. I really like what you have done overall. It was fun to read and explore your storybook. When Orpheus comes to collect his wife it really adds more fun to the story. It starts to feel like a television series. I can't wait to check back in next week to see what happens next kind of fun.
Hey, Jenny!
ReplyDeleteGreat storybook! The title itself compelled me to read on, which is the first thing that everyone sees, so great job on that. Greek myths are fun to read. During my senior year of high school we read a lot of them, so it was nice to revisit them through your storybook. One of my favorite parts of your storybook is the pictures you chose to depict the stories and the images you already create in the reader's head. The first picture on the first page is my favorite - it really pulls the reader into what you're about to tell them. I also like your placement of the picture in your latest story. Having it at the end allows your words to make the image and then the picture at the end is almost exactly what I saw when I read through your story and was a great addition.
Overall, wonderful job and I can't wait to come back when you're completely finished at the end of the semester!
Hey Jennifer, I'm back to read another one of your stories! I enjoyed the story of Orpheus as much as I did the first one. My favorite part was when Orpheus plays the song about his lost love. I think it's a good thing that you're creating a balance of happy and tragic within your storybook. I only have two suggestions for revision, which you can take with a grain of salt. I think that it would make the story come more alive if you describe Orpheus' songs in more detail. Maybe something about the notes or describing his hands while playing the instrument. It would really allow readers to feel the same emotion that the characters of the story are feeling. Also, in the second paragraph it should be "but also." Whenever you use the term not only, it has to be followed by but also. Good job, I'll be staying tuned for the rest of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer! I am glad that I returned to your storybook, because then I was able to finish it in its entirety! I would like to commend you for doing such a great job with it! Your passion shows with each word that you write. What I liked about your storybook was that to make your tales more realistic, they could not all have happy endings. Although tragic, you did not realize it to be tragic till the end of the tale. Also, I like how caring and compassionate you wrote out Hades to be. I always pictured him like the Disney rendition of him in Hercules. But you did a great job with making this your own, and I am glad that I had the opportunity to read it! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time that I have looked at your project and I am glad that I decided on your title! I read your introduction and I also noticed that you have a few stories up as well! That is great, I think it is the most that I have seen on a storybook thus far. First I would like to say that I really like your layout and I absolutely love the image that you used for your introduction. I think that it fits perfectly as the woman is very beautiful and it looks like she is looking into the world of question and mystery. I read your introduction and I think it was great and the mood was perfect. I love greek stories and that is why I really enjoyed what you did. Your description of the events that led to Persephone living in the underworld was great and I think it was a neat touch to show that Hades was a gentleman when he asked the father for permission in marriage. Anyway, nice project! I look forward to returning.
Hi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I have looked at you story book and I am very pleased that I did. I find Persephone is really interesting. I love the cover photo. I also really enjoyed reading your introduction. I actually read Cupid and Psyche and I am glad you elaborated on Psyche’s trip to the underworld. It is interesting that you included that she was the only woman to ever escape the underworld unscathed. She already had a really big enemy in Venus and am glad Persephone took pity on her. I thought it was really interesting that you incorporated love with something usually dark and scary as the underworld. I liked that your last story broke the mold of doing things for lust instead of love but ties back to love in the end. Hades us usually depicted as an awful man so it is interesting to see that you have given him some humanity in the form of love with his wife Persephone. Good job.
Hi, Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteI just want to start by saying that I love the image you chose for your coverpage! It seems to perfectly capture how I would image Persephone looking and feeling about her captivity in the underworld. I loved the title for all of your stories, as well.
I read your introduction, and I thought it was cool that you used italics to set up the story. I must say, Persephone’s feelings about her life in the underworld are not at all what I expected! That being said, your narration made them believable and rich. My favorite line was definitely “even when living in the land of the dead I have never felt so alive.” It seemed to perfectly sum up how she felt about her new life. I think your final line (also in italics—very nice) did a great job of introducing the story. Very nicely done!! I can’t wait to read more.
Also: love the spongebob picture.
You did a great job with this Storybook so far. Your title really drew me in. I liked the intro story. It really set the mood for the other stories and the picture really helps too. You did a great job with your descriptive words. The background was nice too; it wasn’t distracting when I was reading. Putting the story in first person really told a detailed story. I felt like I was there especially with the picture at the bottom.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t see grammatical errors or confusing parts while reading so you did a good job at editing. I look forward to reading the rest of your stories and I hope these comments help you write better ones for your storybook.
Hello! I am actually in the Indian Epics class, but since this week we are given the opportunity to comment on other works, I decided to read through your storybook. It was really interesting to see how the different classes have their own styles of writing, based on what we have all been reading and I definitely enjoyed reading through your storybook. The tale of Persephone is one of my favorites from Greek mythology, which is why I decided to read through your storybook this week. I really like how you told the story from Persephone’s perspective, as if she was relaying the events in a diary or to a friend. However, sometimes the transitions were a little bit difficult to follow. For example, when you end with a knocking on the door in the introduction, but don’t immediately pick up from that point at the beginning of the next story, it feels a little awkward. Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading your story book. I especially like the art that you included. Good luck with the remainder of the semester and finals!
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny. I decided to read your storybook as a part of the favorites post. I can't believe this is the first time I've read one of your stories. They are really wonderful and well written. I just had to read the whole storybook. I like how you tied all the stories together by using Persephone's point of view. I also like how her perspective made all of Hell less frightening and somehow wonderful. Charon became a friendly ferryman and Cerebus just a guard dog. There was nothing of the River of Souls and eternal sadness, instead she talked about the Elysian fields.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your second story, Orpheus Descending. By adding the information about Hade's demanding secrecy, you really pulled the parts of the story together. Hade's motivations were the missing piece of the puzzle.
You did a really great job and you are an awesome writer. Keep up the good work!
Hey Jennifer! I'm glad that I got to check back in on your storybook! I definitely picked it as one of the top stories for our class. This was my favorite story so far. I really liked the artwork you choose to go with the story. It gave an excellent mental image, especially for the ending of the story. The format of you story was very easy to read. I especially liked Persephone's inner dialogue. I thought it was interesting that Hades wanted her to witness the whole thing. It was just one more time that he proved himself to be a great person/god. All I knew about Hades before I read your storybook was what I had seen in Disney's Hercules. Now I have a completely different opinion of him. Overall, I think you did a great job not only on this story, but also on the whole storybook! Congrats!
ReplyDeleteI really like the subject you chose for your storybook. The layout of your page is lush with the color compositions juxtaposed with the beautiful pictures you chose to represent the stories. Your storybook was easy to navigate. I never felt confused when going from one story to another. The writing for your storybook was great! I really loved how you wove the different stories together. Having Persephone as the protagonist in each story made the overlap of each story very smooth. It reminded me how she was essential in solving a lot of the conflicts that arose in these myths. I’m glad you included Pirithous, “The Chair of Forgetfulness.” I have not read that particular myth before reading your storybook. I didn’t know two humans had the gall to try and kidnap the God of the Underworld’s Queen. You did so well on your writing of the myth that it makes me want to go out and read it for my own account.
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer! Your topic for your storybook is a very interesting choice. The perspective and events of Persephone as she was in the Underworld was really cool to read about. In fact, it was so cool that I read through your entire storybook in this past hour.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you had the king of the Underworld, Hades, be this really awesome and manly god who was a great husband and savior to Persephone. In your last story, Hades really showed how much he loved his wife and how much she appreciates having him as her husband.
The style of your storybook is great. Changing from italicized fonts to regular fonts really made the stories easier to read. Each picture you used for your stories helped enhance the reading experience. I especially liked the photo you chose for the last story. That photo showed what would be known as “love at first sight” and the split from Hades and Persephone is amazing.
Hey Jenny,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook theme and your stories. They were really well written and the visual language that you used really made me envision the stories as I was reading them. I also like the way that you portrayed Persephone and Hades, I feel like usually stories portray her as hating the underworld and Hades and that they really aren’t happy but I feel like in your stories it seems that she is happy and that Hades and her have a good marriage, which is definitely something new. I really like the layout and overall color scheme of your storybook too, it is all very visually pleasing. Good job!